Crafting Consent, Confidence & Connection for Snctm
As the intimacy coordinator for Snctm, an exclusive members-only club hosting erotic masquerades in New York and Los Angeles, my job blends safety, artistry, and humanity.
These immersive, narrative-driven performances feature real, un-simulated intimacy, inviting performers and audiences to explore vulnerability and eroticism in breathtaking ways.
My mission? To ensure every performer feels safe, respected, and empowered to deliver an authentic and captivating performance.
Picture Snctm as an erotic dreamscape come to life by the brilliant mind of our Creative Director, Inka Nevala. Every detail—from the lush visuals to the sensuous storytelling—is designed to immerse you in passion and fantasy. The performers breathe life into this vision, becoming both muses and masters of their art.
My role is to prepare them to embrace this boldness with confidence and care, ensuring the entire experience thrives within a framework of consent and compassion.
Here’s how I approach intimacy coordination in this uniquely sensual world.
Building boundaries & Trust
In a world that often mistakes “sex-positive” for “boundary-less,” the cornerstone of my work is helping performers define and assert their limits. Clear boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re the foundation for creativity and trust.
Before rehearsals begin, I have candid conversations with performers to uncover their comfort zones. We discuss everything from types of touch to words or actions that might trigger discomfort. No detail is too small.
This process not only builds trust but also empowers performers to own their choices, setting the stage for an authentic performance.
Consent as an Ongoing Conversation at Snctm
Consent in a live sex show isn’t a one-time agreement—it’s a dynamic, ongoing dialogue. Performers are encouraged to revisit and reaffirm their boundaries at any point during a scene.
Before each performance, we establish clear verbal or physical signals performers can use to communicate discomfort or a need to pause without disrupting the flow of the show.
A critical component of this process is thorough STI testing. All performers must provide up-to-date test results before the show, ensuring that every participant is informed of the “ready” status of their co-stars. This protocol creates a baseline of safety and transparency, fostering trust among the cast.
For those new to fluid consent, I reframe it as a strength, not a limitation. The ability to say “yes” or “no” in real time doesn’t just protect performers—it elevates the energy and connection on stage.
Boosting Confidence Through Compassion
Performing live, unsimulated intimacy can stir up vulnerability, even for seasoned professionals.
My job is to meet performers with compassion and help them embrace their choice as an act of empowerment and self-expression.
Through grounding techniques, affirmations, and breathing exercises, we work together to transform nerves into confidence. I remind them that their vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s a gift, a courageous act of connection with the audience.
I also stress the cultural impact of their work, positioning them as pioneers in uncensored sensual storytelling. They’re creating art that challenges taboos and inspires others to explore intimacy with openness and respect.
Special Mention: Supporting Penis Performers
For performers with penises, the pressure to deliver can be intense, with societal expectations often reducing their value to a singular act of physical function. My role is to dismantle that mindset entirely.
We shift the focus from “performance” to presence, emphasizing sensuality and connection over physical metrics. I introduce a palette of creative ways to sustain energy and pleasure in a scene without relying on traditional expectations.
This approach not only liberates these performers but also enhances the chemistry and flow of the entire cast.
Holding Space for Self-Expression and Safety
The unpredictability of live sex shows like Snctm’s is part of their magic, but it also requires robust safety nets. Before every performance, we establish “safe zones”—both physical spaces for decompression and emotional frameworks for post-show check-ins.
These practices ensure that performers can process their experiences in a supportive environment.
No performer should leave the stage feeling compromised or unsafe. Post-show, we share reflections and gratitude, reinforcing the bond of trust that makes these productions possible.
Creating Snctm's Culture of Respect
Consent isn’t just a performer’s responsibility—it’s a collective effort.
At Snctm, every cast and crew member is trained in boundary-setting, respectful language, and consent practices. This shared culture allows performers to focus on their artistry, knowing their boundaries are honored by everyone involved.
For performers who arrive with blurred lines around boundaries, this can be a transformative experience. Together, we create a language of care and clarity, ensuring that every interaction—on stage and behind the scenes—is rooted in mutual respect.
The Art of Intimacy Coordination
Coordinating intimacy for real sex shows is a delicate dance of trust, creativity, and compassion. The challenges are real: helping performers unlearn boundary-less habits, navigating vulnerability, and balancing artistry with safety. But the rewards? They’re profound.
When performers feel safe and respected, they unlock an authenticity that elevates their art. They step into their power—not just as performers but as human beings—bringing vulnerability and connection to the stage in a way that captivates and inspires.
At Snctm, intimacy isn’t just a performance. It’s a celebration of what’s possible when we honor our desires while holding space for care, consent, and humanity. And that, truly, is the heart of what I do.
Looking for an intimacy coordinator for your show? Get in touch! I’d love to talk.
